Four Reasons for Behavior

Why Is My Child Doing That? The 4 Reasons Behind Every Behavior

Parents love to ask me hard questions, like:

• “My child tantrums every time we step into Target, what do I do?”

• “My kid won’t stop hitting other kids at the playground—how do I stop this?”

• “Why does my child scream at the top of their lungs every time they have to go to bed?”

My answer? It depends.

Just like adults, children behave in certain ways for different reasons.

And here’s the kicker:

There are only FOUR reasons why any human (including your child) does anything.

Nope, not a typo. Just four. And once you know them, parenting becomes a whole lot more clear.

Wish this had been in your Parenting 101 class? You’re not alone. But don’t worry—we’ve got you now. Let's break it down with the handy acronym S.E.A.T.

S – Sensory

Sensory behaviors happen when a child does something because it feels good to them—not for anyone else’s reaction.

They’re doing it for the experience itself: the movement, the texture, the sound, or the sensation.

Common sensory behaviors:

• Spinning, rocking, or jumping frequently

• Flapping hands or flicking fingers

• Making repetitive noises or humming

Every child is different. These are just common examples! 

E – Escape

Escape behaviors happen when a child is trying to avoid or get out of something they don’t like.

Ask yourself:

• Does this behavior happen when my child is asked to do something hard or unpleasant?

• Does it happen right before they have to go somewhere or do something they dislike?

Common escape behaviors:

• Whining or crying

• Running away

• Arguing or saying "No!"

• Distracting you with hugs or silliness

• Tantrums—or even aggression

A – Attention

Some behaviors are designed to get a reaction—whether it’s positive or negative. That’s attention-seeking behavior.

It doesn’t matter what kind of attention your child gets—just that someone notices them.

Common attention-seeking behaviors:

• Repeating words or phrases loudly

• Interrupting conversations

• Acting silly or goofing around

• Hitting, yelling, or throwing things just to see how you’ll react

T – Tangible

Tangible behaviors are all about getting something they want.

This could be a toy, a snack, a screen, or anything else they’re after in the moment.

Common tangible behaviors:

• Reaching, grabbing, or demanding an item

• Whining or crying when told "no"

• Throwing a fit when something is taken away

• Negotiating endlessly (“Just one more episode!”)

• Snatching things out of people’s hands

If the behavior stops once they get the item, it’s likely tangible-maintained. 

But Wait—What If the Same Behavior Happens in Different Places?

Yep, that’s a thing!

The same behavior (like tantrums) can have different reasons depending on context.

Example:

• Your child tantrums in HomeGoods and you hand them an iPad → That’s tangible.

• Your child tantrums before bed and you let them stay up → That’s escape.

See how important context is? 

Now That You Know Why Your Child is Behaving That Way…? 

You’re already one step ahead—understanding the why behind your child’s behavior is the foundation of real change.

But what about the how?

• How do you prevent the tantrums?
• How do you respond in the moment?
• How do you teach better behaviors?

We break it all down for you inside our Toddler Behavior Workshop—designed specifically for parents of toddlers dealing with hitting, whining, biting, of full-on tantrums!

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• What to do before, during, and after tough behaviors

• How to teach new, lasting skills in ways toddlers actually understand

• Practical tools and visual supports you can start using today

Start your journey with our Toddler Behavior Workshop today. 

Led by a BCBA. Backed by Research. Built for Real Life.